"3 weeks and counting" or "the roller coaster has finally stopped"

mid-January -- Dr. Basch announces she is leaving the practice on March 21. We don't know what this means for us yet.

February 21 -- Appointment with midwife Ginger. The ball is in motion to keep the practice open with new supervising doctors.

March 3 -- Message left on our answering machine that we need to call the practice. I assume it's an appointment reminder.

March 4 -- Excruciating back pain (see post "Okay, waiting isn't so bad..." from March 5 for full story) so I call the practice to make an emergency appointment. Before talking to a nurse, midwife or doctor, the receptionist reads a form letter about how the practice is closing. Of course, I can't comprehend most of it due to the pain. I then talk to a nurse to set up the appointment.

March 6 -- Regularly scheduled appointment with midwife Ginger. She says that she's trying to keep the practice alive, has supervising doctors lined up and is hiring 2 new midwives from out of state. Great!

March 8 -- Phone call with me, Ginger, Andy and our doula, Deanna. Ginger explains that she's optimistic about the way things are working out. Mad River Community Hospital is continuing to negotiate with the practice to keep it open. After all, a good deal of their business comes from women wanting to have babies there. They have the best birthing center in the area, but a fair to poor reputation for the rest of the hospital and apparently the worst administration around.

March 14 -- Appointment with Ginger. She says she'll be getting a contract from Mad River Hospital later that day and expects to sign it. Wonderful.

March 17 -- Phone call from the practice. Contract was awful, Ginger didn't sign, negotiations have fallen through, the practice will cease to exist as of the end of March. My brain shuts down. I'm not sleeping, totally stressed out and mentally and emotionally exhausted. We begin to weigh our options. I call Deanna to get her perspective, as she's also a client of the practice and is due in June. I decide that having Deanna deliver our baby at home may be our only option if we want to have any sort of consistency. The home birth wheels go into motion. (Deanna is also a licensed midwife, but can't do hospital births, just like hospital midwives can't do home births.) We also know and feel comfortable with Brandi, Deanna's midwifery business partner, because she taught our childbirth education class. Deanna and Brandi are total rock stars when it comes to birthing babies.

March 18 -- Got a call from the water birthing tub rental lady. She rents them for home births as well as hospital births, and it's $80 cheaper to do it at home. Sweet! Things are looking up. It's going to be a few thousand dollars to have the baby at home with Deanna and Brandi, and they don't take insurance. Harumph. Okay, we'll make it work.

March 19 -- Appointment with Dr. Basch. We talk about options at this point. We'd like to follow midwife Ginger to wherever she's practicing now, but that doctor's office doesn't support water births and is seriously opposed to home births. We feel bad for having her be so committed to us, but we need to figure out what best suits our needs at the point. The other option is switch to the other "touchy-feely" practice in town and receive parallel care and have a home birth with Deanna and Brandi, which is where I was seriously leaning at that time. Dr. Basch lets me know about a meeting that is to be held that evening with providers and patients in attendance. This meeting has been scheduled for weeks, but this is the first time I'd heard about it.

I go to the meeting by myself because Andy's been puking his guts out and having diarrhea for the last 18 hours. Emotionally, I'm shutting down. I've totally had it. The meeting turns out to be most of the staff from the "touchy-feely" practice and mostly women who need to transfer immediately because they are due in April. And early April at that. I fill out the paperwork and let what's being said filter in one ear and out the other. I know that people can see how stressed out I am as I stare blankly at them, I don't care. They probably need to know. After listening to all of them talk for close to an hour, I begin to swing the other way. Most of them seem like good people, and they'd be open to a water birth at the hospital or providing parallel care for a home birth. I'm more open to having one of these strangers deliver our baby at the hospital now. (Even though I don't want to give my business to the hospital for all the jerking around they did to the members of the practice that I really liked and was comfortable with.) It just seems easier and more in line with what we had been planning in our heads for the last nine months.

March 20 -- Andy and I have talked to Deanna every day this week. She is truly the best person on Earth for us in this situation. I can't imagine how we would have been able to handle all of these changes and choices without her. We are very lucky that she has been the one consistent thread running through this pregnancy, as far as professional support is concerned. I've made an appointment to speak with her in person on all the aforementioned topics. She only lives a few block away from us, the sun is shining and Andy has taken the car to work for the afternoon because he's feeling a bit better. I begin to walk over to Deanna's, and she calls me on my cell phone. She wonders if we can reschedule because a client of hers is in labor and she needs to rest. She finds out that I'm already on my way and quickly changes her mind and I continue walking to her house. It takes me about 25 minutes total. I didn't realize there are hills between our houses, but it becomes quite apparent as I am 37 weeks pregnant, my pelvic bones are pulling apart and I am walking, not driving. I'm tired and achy by the time I get there. We talk for about an hour, and I make my decision, we're going with a water birth at the hospital. Andy's still at work, so I walk home. I think about stopping to rest at the little coffee and ice cream shop on my way home, but realize that if I stop, I may not get going again. This is not fun. I make it home and collapse on the bed. Andy gets home about 10 minutes later and immediately comes into the bedroom and begins to rub my feet. He's so great. He makes dinner, we stay up to watch "LOST" but go to bed shortly afterward. Last night was the best night of sleep I have gotten in weeks.

Today, March 21 -- If I went into labor today, I would feel rested and ready for it. I think I'm in a better place, mentally, emotionally and physically. Things just feel more settled. Bring it on, Cleo, I'm ready for you!