2 weeks until the "Estimated Date of Confinement"

She'll make sense if you keep reading...

Estimated Date of Confinement, that's what they used to call the due date. Just like the state of CA defines pregnancy as a disability. Whatever. I have done so much during this pregnancy -- it has been very empowering to me, personally.

This post is going to be all over the place. I've been trying to nap for the last hour and it's just not working. Prepare yourself non sequiturs and bad segués.

We received the most final versions of our house plans by e-mail yesterday, and I had them printed on giant paper today. We have changes to them, of course, and need clarification on a bunch of the symbols used, but overall, I think they look pretty good. Now if I could just get Andy to stop second-guessing each little thing. At least we know the baby has to arrive sometime within the next 4 weeks... this house project could be dragged out indefinitely.

I had my first visit with one of the midwives at the new clinic this morning, my last visit with one of the midwives at the old practice yesterday and a visit with Cleo's pediatrician yesterday. Everything was totally normal; no surprises. Andy accompanied me to all visits, and I wonder if he's getting tired of riding shotgun. :)

Speaking of the new clinic... There are 5 people on staff who could potentially deliver Cleo. Two male doctors, one female doctor and two female midwives. I know that when it really comes down to it, I won't have time to think about it, but I'm not so thrilled about having the chance of a man help Cleo out. I've met these doctors, and they seem very nice, but... I think of a male OB/GYN as a mechanic who has never driven a car. I don't know. With the old practice, I was guaranteed one of three women, and I was just fine with that. I kind of understand old guys that are OB/GYNs -- women didn't have the opportunities to become doctors in those days -- but I doubt either one of these two doctors is even 45 years old. What kind of man decides to practice a kind of medicine that he'll NEVER actually experience? I mean, how many female doctors specialize in men's reproductive systems? Is any woman cocky (pun intended) enough to believe that she could actually learn more about those parts from books, school and patients than actually having her own penis and testacles? Enough. Maybe it all goes back to my first (and last) visit with a male gyno. It was the first time I had ever been in for that kind of check-up, and his name was Michael Jordan. This guy was as far in the other direction as one can imagine from the basketball star. Let's just say that the whole experience was beyond awkward. Eew.

Earlier this week, our friend, Monica, and her 18 month old daughter, Maya, were in town visiting the in-laws. I got invited to join them all for a jaunt around our local zoo and a picnic in the park afterward. We had a great time! Our tiny little zoo has been renovated within the last few years, thanks to a local family with LOTS of money. The animal enclosures looked pretty well kept up and the facilities for humans were quite nice. The animals themselves, however, were questionable. The bear and the owl looked kinda, well, stuffed. We teased quietly amongst ourselves that the family had renovated the zoo grounds and purchased mechanical animals to fill their lovely perfect zoo. Seriously, the bear was completely sacked out in the sunny dry moat area, and we really couldn't see it moving at all. (I think I saw its lip twitch once, but maybe not.) The owl sat completely still on a branch and winked one eye. It really looked like one of the automatons on an old ride at Disneyland. Maybe we were all just a little giddy because the sun was shining. :)

I think that's all the news for now... more next Friday, or possibly sooner. Who knows?

P.S. -- I forgot to mention two things that struck me as funny today:

1) Our fave local radio station plays a different comedy album every Friday morning. This morning it was Steven Wright's "I Still Have a Pony." Chock full of super dry observational humor and very funny, but there was only one one-liner that made me laugh out loud.
"When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night while my mom was sleeping."

2) I went to the mall this morning to exchange a gift (different size needed) and I got there a little before the stores opened. As I walked past the Bounce-A-Rama (15 or more giant inflatable slides and jumpy things) I could hear music playing from inside. It was the song "Elvira," sung by a children's choir. This was a little disconcerting to me... kids singing about the Mistress of the Dark. Yikes.

since Kerri asked

That's me on March 12 at a local Mexican restaurant where my co-workers threw a baby shower for me. It was great! I think that's the best recent picture... and I've only ballooned a little more since then. I've gained about 35 pounds so far, and Cleo is supposed to gain another 1/2 pound a week until she's born. Oof!

We have appointments with our old OB practice and Cleo's pediatrician today, and an appointment with our new OB practice tomorrow. (Cleo's pediatrician, by the way, was also Andy's pediatrician. We think it's neat that he's still practicing in the area.) More blogging tomorrow afternoon...

been meaning to post this for awhile...

Yes, we are wearing the same shirt. Target is pretty much the only affordable outlet for maternity clothes in Humboldt County, so it's amazing that we didn't end up with more of the same clothes. This photo was taken at the end of January. Since then, Kathryn has given birth to sweet little Susannah Violet. (In fact, she's 4 and a half weeks old now!)

"3 weeks and counting" or "the roller coaster has finally stopped"

mid-January -- Dr. Basch announces she is leaving the practice on March 21. We don't know what this means for us yet.

February 21 -- Appointment with midwife Ginger. The ball is in motion to keep the practice open with new supervising doctors.

March 3 -- Message left on our answering machine that we need to call the practice. I assume it's an appointment reminder.

March 4 -- Excruciating back pain (see post "Okay, waiting isn't so bad..." from March 5 for full story) so I call the practice to make an emergency appointment. Before talking to a nurse, midwife or doctor, the receptionist reads a form letter about how the practice is closing. Of course, I can't comprehend most of it due to the pain. I then talk to a nurse to set up the appointment.

March 6 -- Regularly scheduled appointment with midwife Ginger. She says that she's trying to keep the practice alive, has supervising doctors lined up and is hiring 2 new midwives from out of state. Great!

March 8 -- Phone call with me, Ginger, Andy and our doula, Deanna. Ginger explains that she's optimistic about the way things are working out. Mad River Community Hospital is continuing to negotiate with the practice to keep it open. After all, a good deal of their business comes from women wanting to have babies there. They have the best birthing center in the area, but a fair to poor reputation for the rest of the hospital and apparently the worst administration around.

March 14 -- Appointment with Ginger. She says she'll be getting a contract from Mad River Hospital later that day and expects to sign it. Wonderful.

March 17 -- Phone call from the practice. Contract was awful, Ginger didn't sign, negotiations have fallen through, the practice will cease to exist as of the end of March. My brain shuts down. I'm not sleeping, totally stressed out and mentally and emotionally exhausted. We begin to weigh our options. I call Deanna to get her perspective, as she's also a client of the practice and is due in June. I decide that having Deanna deliver our baby at home may be our only option if we want to have any sort of consistency. The home birth wheels go into motion. (Deanna is also a licensed midwife, but can't do hospital births, just like hospital midwives can't do home births.) We also know and feel comfortable with Brandi, Deanna's midwifery business partner, because she taught our childbirth education class. Deanna and Brandi are total rock stars when it comes to birthing babies.

March 18 -- Got a call from the water birthing tub rental lady. She rents them for home births as well as hospital births, and it's $80 cheaper to do it at home. Sweet! Things are looking up. It's going to be a few thousand dollars to have the baby at home with Deanna and Brandi, and they don't take insurance. Harumph. Okay, we'll make it work.

March 19 -- Appointment with Dr. Basch. We talk about options at this point. We'd like to follow midwife Ginger to wherever she's practicing now, but that doctor's office doesn't support water births and is seriously opposed to home births. We feel bad for having her be so committed to us, but we need to figure out what best suits our needs at the point. The other option is switch to the other "touchy-feely" practice in town and receive parallel care and have a home birth with Deanna and Brandi, which is where I was seriously leaning at that time. Dr. Basch lets me know about a meeting that is to be held that evening with providers and patients in attendance. This meeting has been scheduled for weeks, but this is the first time I'd heard about it.

I go to the meeting by myself because Andy's been puking his guts out and having diarrhea for the last 18 hours. Emotionally, I'm shutting down. I've totally had it. The meeting turns out to be most of the staff from the "touchy-feely" practice and mostly women who need to transfer immediately because they are due in April. And early April at that. I fill out the paperwork and let what's being said filter in one ear and out the other. I know that people can see how stressed out I am as I stare blankly at them, I don't care. They probably need to know. After listening to all of them talk for close to an hour, I begin to swing the other way. Most of them seem like good people, and they'd be open to a water birth at the hospital or providing parallel care for a home birth. I'm more open to having one of these strangers deliver our baby at the hospital now. (Even though I don't want to give my business to the hospital for all the jerking around they did to the members of the practice that I really liked and was comfortable with.) It just seems easier and more in line with what we had been planning in our heads for the last nine months.

March 20 -- Andy and I have talked to Deanna every day this week. She is truly the best person on Earth for us in this situation. I can't imagine how we would have been able to handle all of these changes and choices without her. We are very lucky that she has been the one consistent thread running through this pregnancy, as far as professional support is concerned. I've made an appointment to speak with her in person on all the aforementioned topics. She only lives a few block away from us, the sun is shining and Andy has taken the car to work for the afternoon because he's feeling a bit better. I begin to walk over to Deanna's, and she calls me on my cell phone. She wonders if we can reschedule because a client of hers is in labor and she needs to rest. She finds out that I'm already on my way and quickly changes her mind and I continue walking to her house. It takes me about 25 minutes total. I didn't realize there are hills between our houses, but it becomes quite apparent as I am 37 weeks pregnant, my pelvic bones are pulling apart and I am walking, not driving. I'm tired and achy by the time I get there. We talk for about an hour, and I make my decision, we're going with a water birth at the hospital. Andy's still at work, so I walk home. I think about stopping to rest at the little coffee and ice cream shop on my way home, but realize that if I stop, I may not get going again. This is not fun. I make it home and collapse on the bed. Andy gets home about 10 minutes later and immediately comes into the bedroom and begins to rub my feet. He's so great. He makes dinner, we stay up to watch "LOST" but go to bed shortly afterward. Last night was the best night of sleep I have gotten in weeks.

Today, March 21 -- If I went into labor today, I would feel rested and ready for it. I think I'm in a better place, mentally, emotionally and physically. Things just feel more settled. Bring it on, Cleo, I'm ready for you!

4 weeks to go?

Today is exactly 4 weeks from my due date. (Another 4 weeks of this? You've got to be kidding me!)

At my appointment with one of our midwives today, I was told that I could stop the labor-stopping drugs and I filled out my portion of the "disability" paperwork. (So I can get a portion of my pay from the state while I'm on leave.)

However, the main thing accomplished at today's appointment was an update on the status of the practice we've been going to since I found out I was pregnant. A couple of months ago, we found out that the supervising MD at the practice was leaving; she was tired of the business side of the practice. (I have to say I can't blame her there.) The sucky part is that a midwifery practice can't exist in conjunction with the hospital without a supervising MD. Since we heard that news, it has been a complete roller coaster: we're closing, we're not closing, we've hired new people, we're signing a new contract with the hospital, no we're not. Augh! I know that our midwives realize that we patients are going to have our babies whether or not they have settled their business, but I'm not so sure that the hospital administrators get that.

The latest is this: The practice as we know it is closing at the end of March. The MD is seeing the last of her patients next Friday. One of the two midwives is going to a different practice in the area, and the other is in negotiations with the hospital to keep a practice similar to the existing one open. We have chosen to stay with the midwife who is working with the hospital.

Chances get slimmer by the day that I will deliver this baby with the help of a doctor or midwife that I know and trust. The three women that I was expecting to deliver with, I trust quite a bit, but by the end of March, two of them will be gone, and the on-call schedule will be filled in with doctors and/or midwives that I've never met. The midwife we saw this morning said she had delivered 6 babies already this week. I suspect that these mothers and babies are quite aware of the fact that things are totally in limbo and felt the need to do their thing before the shit hits the fan. And it will, one way or another.

Anyway, I'm glad that Cleo kind of got things going early -- she must know all about the practice closing. Now that I'm off the drugs, she could start that labor stuff up again at any time. (I'm hoping that happens before the end of the month.) I'm feeling good about things... I've gained 5 pounds in the last week. Oops! I guess I shouldn't be eating ice cream 24/7. (just kidding) The belly has been feeling very tight the last two days, and I don't think I would be a happy camper if I was still working. Even just sitting here typing up our birth plan and this blog post for a few hours today have been pretty uncomfortable. I took my regular early evening nap today, and am thriled that I don't have to wake up at 3am to take the meds anymore. Waking up to pee every few hours is very different than waking up to an alarm. I fall back to sleep pretty easily after going to the bathroom, but the last week and a half, I have not been able to fall back to sleep after the alarm goes off.

Cleo is kicking me just to remind me to get off the danged computer and eat the dinner that Andy put in front of me 30 minutes ago. :) He's been absolutely wonderful throughout the pregnancy, and I can't wait to introduce him to our girl. I have my baby shower tomorrow with my Humboldt girlfriends, which I am really looking forward to. Okay, dinner.

Well, one last thing... check out our baby pool: http://www.expectnet.com/games/CleopatraJones

Now dinner.

chiropractic adjustment = temporary miracle

So, I've seen the chiropractor 3 times since March 4th's adventures in preterm labor. The first time was on Friday, the 7th. She massaged my feet to loosen up the muscles, yanked on my right leg and instantly, the sciatica on my left side and any left over back pain from the 4th were gone.

I had never been to a chiropractor before the 7th, so I had no idea what to expect. Even though I haven't been icing my back or getting foot massages (ahem, Andy) like she suggested, I feel much better moving around during the day. However, I can kind of feel the adjustment begin to wear off after a few days of not seeing her. That's probably due to the fact that Cleo's gaining a pound a week at this point. I am looking forward to tackling labor with a newly-adjusted body. Any extra pain on top of labor doesn't sound like fun.

I'm supposed go off the niphedipine (labor-stopping drug) tomorrow. I'll know for sure after my meeting with the midwife. The niphedipine has not slowed Cleo down one bit... she's still bouncing around like crazy and seems to enjoy having the hiccups, which is annoying (but reassuring) for me. I can't wait to see what this big girl looks like!

clarification

"Cleopatra" is our daughter's IN UTERO name. We'll let you all know what her real name is after she arrives.

Okay, waiting isn't so bad...

Cleo is head-down and ready for launch. Which is great, I just didn't expect the countdown sequence to start at 35 weeks along. (She's supposed to wait until 40 weeks.)

Monday night I only slept about 4 hours. When I woke up, I had a crazy nosebleed. So I propped myself up with several pillows and tried to go back to sleep. I got up later and started getting ready for work. At about 8:10 a.m. my lower back started hurting. I really noticed it when I bent over to spit out my toothpaste and later when I picked up my purse on my way out the door. The ride with a coworker to the office was uncomfortable but not unbearable, but by the time I had been sitting at my desk for 30 minutes, I was in quite a bit of pain. I could barely stand up and shuffle around the office. Changing positions was really awful. I e-mailed my friend Elizabeth who had a nasty bout with back labor when she delivered her daughter. Liz was very reassuring with tips on how to manage the pain, but from her story, I was convinced that I wasn't having back labor because my pain was totally constant, and hers had come and gone with each contraction. By 10 a.m. I had finished my mandatory tasks for the day, and my boss drove me home. My coworkers could see how much pain I was in, and though I was willing to "tough it out" they weren't willing to let me try.

Once at home, I grabbed the phone and the laptop and headed for bed. Our extra firm mattress was just the ticket for awhile, but after too long in one position the pain was bad and moving to a new position was excruciating. I called our doula (professional labor assistant) Deanna, and she told me to drink water and call my OB/midwife practice. Drinking water was good in theory, but it made me have to pee every 15 minutes or less, and walking was getting more and more difficult. My legs almost gave out from under me more than once. The nurse at the practice scheduled an emergency appointment for 2:30 p.m. I called Deanna back to give her the update and told her I would call her again after the appointment. Andy picked me up at 2-ish and we headed back to Arcata for the appointment.

Side note: I also learned from the receptionist, just before talking to the nurse about my intense pain, that the OB/midwife practice is closing at the end of this month. Great news (sarcasm), since I'm officially supposed to deliver next month. I've heard several stories over the last day and a half about women who went into preterm labor, their doctor stopped it with drugs and then they didn't go back into labor at all, they had to be induced with drugs after they were 2 weeks past their due date. I really don't want that to happen since it would mean a greater chance of a cesarean delivery and I'd probably have the birth attended by a complete stranger, not the OB or midwives that I've gotten to know over the last 8.5 months.

At my appointment they did all the regular stuff plus a vaginal exam. (any woman's favorite thing ever!) Turns out I was 1 cm dilated and pretty darn effaced. (For those unfamiliar, that's the start of the birthing process.) Cleo's head is totally engaged and she thinks she's ready to go. They sent me over to the birthing center at the hospital for external fetal monitoring to see if I was having contractions because I wasn't feeling much except the constant back pain. After a while on the monitor, it showed that I was having contractions that were about a minute long, but not really spaced all that regularly. So, they decided to put me on some labor-stopping drug that's normally used for heart conditions. (I find it odd how certain drugs have more than one use... "yeah, we usually use it for hair loss, but it also reduces the need for hip replacements, too!") My back pain lessened as the night went on, and by 3 a.m. I was able to sleep. I'm convinced it wasn't back labor, but it was pregnancy related. Something about having a giant moving baby inside you can really throw things off.

I'm not going to work anymore, and I am supposed to see a chiropractor for my back. Hopefully, the chiro will fix my back before I really go into labor. Those contractions wouldn't have been so bad if they hadn't come at the same time as the back pain. However, i am grateful for the back pain. (Sounds crazy, but hear me out...) Without the back pain, I wouldn't have realized I was in labor until I was much further along, and in that case, I might have a baby in my arms right now. (Which wouldn't be terrible, but she needs to cook for at least two more weeks for a few different reasons.) Cleo is still moving around a lot, which can be uncomfortable at times, but it's also incredibly reassuring. She's tough and stubborn like her mommy, so I'm not really worried about her. :)

Today is a gorgeous Humboldt County day, and I've got the front doors open to let in the sun, breeze and flies. It would be nice to take a walk, but I'm not really allowed to... maybe I'll take a nap in the sunroom instead.