Saturday, October 11, 2008

The ramblings of an insomniac.

Ava is cutting her second tooth. It made the hours at home pretty interesting yesterday. She always seems to behave better when we're out; I think it's because she gets distracted by all the new things happening around her. At home, she just gets bored with me and her toys. Two days ago, my back pain started again, the same back pain that put me out of commission and started early labor a month before Ava was born. It's a bit better now, but it is still difficult to lug around a 17-pound teething 6-month old. (Yes! She'll be 6 months old on Sunday!!!)

My dad is back in the hospital again. This is the third time since Ava was born. They say he's got vasculitis, but he's not responding to the typical vasculitis treatment: chemo. (Vasculitis is not a cancer, but chemo is the recommended treatment.) Apparently it's a chronic condition and he'll have to deal with flare-ups until it eventually gets him. It has now caused a pulmonary embolism--a blood clot in the lung--which could move and cause stroke, heart attack, etc. They have put him on blood thinners and expect to do some kind of surgery in a few days. I don't watch the show "House," but I feel like my dad's case may be perfect for an episode plot.

We got the appraisal for our project back earlier this week... it came back $35,000 to $100,000 less than we thought it might appraise for. It just figures that our construction project would be appraised on the worst financial week since the Great Depression. Anyway, we found a way of scraping $30,000 of stuff from our construction costs, and that may make things a bit better. Still, our monthly payments may be too high and the bank may decide to not give us anything. If we wait until Spring to start this, could things be worse? If they do get better, could they be significantly better or will we have wasted another 6 months? It's such a game and I'm really tired of playing it.

I'm really tired in general, but I can't sleep. My back hurts, my allergies are giving me problems, I can't stop thinking about my dad, SIDS, illegal street races, the dumb song playing over and over in my head, PG&E bills, our house, the cardigan I'm crocheting for Ava and 37 other craft projects in the works... I could go on...

1 comment:

Kerri Rae said...

Oh Lynny... I'm so sorry that you have so much on your shoulders. Just know that people are here for you and that although right now thigs don't seem like they are going the right way it is for a reason. Trust me, I KNOW this, things WILL get better I PROMISE!!! I speak from experiece and LOVE :-) and know that even me saying this doesn't mean that it will make things better because it didn't make it better when people told me, but keep telling yourself that it'll get better and that there is a reason and HOPEFULLY that reason will be just around the corner.